.the coward

As i mentioned to earlier , i loved the wrong man

Now, i realised i loved the coward

He has evoked me the love in me but he had no intention in loving me

We got reconnected after the day of my post

I was happy enough to hear him say "I can come and talk to your dad"

I thought he had the strength

But i was fooled again

He has no courage to even talk to his mother about me or neither he had any intention to initiate the talk

Do not get me wrong

I have no hard feelings towards him mum and  i am looking forward to stay with her if i am married to this guy

What i see he is coward of not able to take risk or fight for me

I reflect the whole level of my stupidity telling my family members that I liked him

They respected my feelings and my decision

They were willing to forget all the ego , anger , disappointment just for me

They were only concern if i liked the guy and i think im able to have him as life partner

Im being disappointed with my life where i lived long enough that i never had any proposal

When i thought i had it,  he was a coward and add zero value to my life

I have lost trust and confidence in him

But the emotional dependence is still lingering there , holding me on

I know it bitter truth that he will never stand up for me but i am still taking time to learn to accept it...

.loved the wrong man

.fooled again in the month of April

not exactly on April Fool day but in the the same month with it

After creating a huge walls for almost most guys can  break into, a guy managed to break the walls and be in my heart.

His presence were at the time i gave up on life. When every night , the only thing i have wished for was there is no tomorrow for me

He came at that time

Treating him in a way he might not like me when he see me as I am dark skinned, tomboish

He expressed his feeling that he likes me and would like to proceed knowing me.

Despite he knows i was not interested in knowing him much in the beginning

Soon after, i said yes to marry him

He is not rich neither has a good social background

Looked at him just like how my dad started his life with my mum. Exactly with nothing

I had hope , trust and confidence in him. We might have the same journey how my parents is now.

Its shattered  after 6 months near the engagement date.

Misunderstanding happened

Engagement was cancelled

Wedding plan cancelled

I still loved him despite misunderstandings

Took an effort not to lose him

Fought as much i could to get him

Then i realized I fought alone. 

ALL ALONE

As stupid as any girls can be, i was stupid too

I was a fool too

He did not fight for me

nor willing to take the risk to keep me

All was my fault and none was his

How long to go on being stupid

I love him much that i would want to fight to be with him

But how much strength do i have after knowing the reality fighting all alone

A life lesson

I really wanted to love only one person who is my husband

I gave that to him

Now its all broken into pieces

Allah's game 

and i failed again