Thursday, April 6, 2017

.loved the wrong man

.fooled again in the month of April
not exactly on April Fool day but in the the same month with it

After creating a huge walls for almost most guys can  break into, a guy managed to break the walls and be in my heart.

His presence were at the time i gave up on life. When every night , the only thing i have wished for was there is no tomorrow for me

He came at that time

Treating him in a way he might not like me when he see me as I am dark skinned, tomboish
He expressed his feeling that he likes me and would like to proceed knowing me.

Despite he knows i was not interested in knowing him much in the beginning

Soon after, i said yes to marry him

He is not rich neither has a good social background

Looked at him just like how my dad started his life with my mum. Exactly with nothing

I had hope , trust and confidence in him. We might have the same journey how my parents is now.

Its shattered  after 6 months near the engagement date.

Misunderstanding happened

Engagement was cancelled
Wedding plan cancelled

I still loved him despite misunderstandings

Took an effort not to lose him

Fought as much i could to get him

Then i realized I fought alone. 

ALL ALONE

As stupid as any girls can be, i was stupid too

I was a fool too

He did not fight for me

nor willing to take the risk to keep me

All was my fault and none was his

How long to go on being stupid

I love him much that i would want to fight to be with him

But how much strength do i have after knowing the reality fighting all alone

A life lesson

I really wanted to love only one person who is my husband
I gave that to him

Now its all broken into pieces

Allah's game 

and i failed again

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